This post is intended for winter wardrobes. If you’re a human, move aside and call your sweaters and boots over. I don’t care if they’re hungover. These tips will make them feel better.
Ready, wardrobes? OK. Take notes on these 5 seasonal must-haves.
Oh hey, wools and delicate fabrics. Feeling dirty but have separation anxiety? You don’t have to go the dry cleaners if your owner has Dryel because you can get freshened up at home in the dryer. Have motion sickness? Can’t help you there. You do have to tumble around, but it’s super quick and the scent of Dryel will soothe you.
2. Lint Roller
If you don’t have one of these within 20 feet at all times, there’s a problem. Especially if there are animals in your home. Why does your owner insist on picking up the cat while wearing you? I can’t explain her poor life choices, but I can tell you that a lint roller will change your life. Never let it run out.
Listen, knits. We all get older, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re starting to pill, it just means you’ve lived a full life with someone who loves to wear you. (It could also mean you’re a cheap piece of crap, but I’m sure you have a great personality.) While there’s no magic solution to make you live forever or look brand new again, a sweater shaver can prolong your life and make you look presentable. I’ve heard a Mediterranean diet is also helpful.
This one’s for you, boots. Unless you’re made of rubber, don’t go out in bad weather without protection. Your owner didn’t save up her money to buy you just to have you go and get ruined during the first snow of the season. Have some pride, for goodness’ sake.
Fear the evil iron no more (well, at least hardly ever). Just take a shower in this stuff the night before you’re going to be worn, and you won’t make your owner look like the hot mess that she actually is. This is as close as a miracle product as you’re going to get. You can thank me later.
*This post was sponsored by Dryel, but the opinions, content, and strange tone are all me.
OK I am convinced – must get wrinkle-release spray! xo
One of your funnier posts although I’m a bit concerned that you seem to think your clothes can read.
Sarah – you literally make me laugh out loud sometimes!
Also – it warms my heart a little to know that maybe, just maybe, I’m not the only one that talks to my clothes – get it together – jeans, we got work to do.
Tea.
I have not heard of a sweater shaver. I just use an old-fashioned razor.
My boots needed this! Thanks for the pep talk!
Sweater shavers are one of the best inventions I’ve ever invested in. It was the coolest thing ever.
I really need that lint roller, thanks for sharing this useful list!
http://fashion-soup.com/